I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
