White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
