Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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