I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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