He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
