how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
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I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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