conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you had me at cake vodka
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
