the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dick very happy bro
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
