I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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