i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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