So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
