i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
