I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
