I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
