He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
