gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
