I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
