sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
