what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You smell like stripper and shame
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
