I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
