You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
