Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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