i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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