quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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