Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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