dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
