you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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