I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
