First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
