This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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