is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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