tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
