come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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