So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
