the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
