Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
