three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
