Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
