I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
