I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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