the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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