I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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