every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
