I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
