dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
