for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
