sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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