phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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