____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
