I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Life is so much better after having sex.
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So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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