I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
