Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
