beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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