I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
