I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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