as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
