Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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