Sponge bath it is.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
