Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
