Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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