The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
