You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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