She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
