saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We don't watch enough power rangers
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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