i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
