I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
