Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
