The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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