At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
