Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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